Every birthday, every new year, I always seem to want to sit down and evaluate my life. I think about the regrets and the pains, all the positive and negatives from the last 365 days since the last milestone had passed.
And I'm never happy with my evaluations.
It seems that it's not enough to want to change, or simply decide to be more active or aggressive or determined or whatever antonym to "lazy and passive" you want to use to kick start the life you always wanted. Too many people are all talk. You don't make a happy life off of good intentions -- waiting day after day, month after month, year after year for good things to come your way.
But it's not enough to just do things either, as I recall a time that I was an intern and was berated for doing something "half-ass" and not "walking the walk" because they didn't give me enough information to work off.
Wisdom comes with age and I believe it now, after several crappy internships and some horrible roommates. Years of friends coming and going, relationships failing, and late night conversations consisting primarily of the phrase "I don't know what to do." Wisdom comes with a price of getting hurt, sometimes losing time and money, and sometimes some innocence and faith.
Sometimes I'm scared that I've become jaded and that the wisdom I've gained over the last 24 years will be nothing compared to the wisdom (and its cost) to come.
But sometimes, I'll look forward to a small dinner of friends who stuck it out past rough times. I'll look forward to responding individually to well-wishers on FaceBook. And I'll have delicious tiramisu and I'll realize that the best thing I can do to be happy is to simply enjoy life, and to enjoy it in a simple way. And no amount of jaded wisdom can determine the future.
And then maybe... I'll enjoy being 24.